This title is quite obviously politically incorrect but I must confess that I was brought up (dragged up?) in an environment where this whole “manly” approach to life – even as a boy – was important! Boys could be boys but girls most definitely could not.

Now that Chile has survived four years with a woman as President (Presidenta, in Spanish), relatively unscathed and probably the better for it, perhaps we need to take another look at our Oxford dictionaries and phrase books.

Why you so wisely ask? Because I am writing this column and you are not; it’s that simple. And also because we now have a male President again (phew!) so being offensive to the weaker sex is back in style.

Ah! Statistically speaking I have now offended half of my readers; say 6 out of 12. Well, the weaker sex is simply the flip side of take it like a man so at least I’m equally offensive to everyone.

As you can see I am finding it increasingly difficult to be politically correct even though the “feminist” or “feminine” or “feline” side to my character is quite well developed.  So, when is the use of the prefix ‘man’ appropriate and when is it not and when, God forbid, does it cause insult or injury.  Let’s take a look.

Mankind has already been usurped by humankind.

Manpower. Not only is this word not in my 1960 Oxford Dictionary (awarded to me at my boarding school for excellence in sport...!?) it is also the name of a Chilean company and oozes sexism. Men have the Power! However, the more neutral term of personpower or peoplepower just doesn’t work for me and womanpower would simply upset men. I’m stumped!

Manage. Here is an interesting one which must be offensive to people other than men, mostly women I assume. Women cannot possibly manage as this is a contradiction of terms. So, how should we transform the word?  Personage is a bit too loose but does imply “a person of rank or importance”.  Peopleage? Just doesn’t flow.  So, we need a new word to replace manage:  Admanastrate is back to being single sex... but what about adpeoplestrate? Does it for me! And it rolls nicely off the tongue.

Manoeuver. As in boardroom maneuvering. Well, I really think this should be neutered in favor of personoeuver, because the opportunity to ‘oeuver is definitely equal between the sexes.

Manipulate really upsets me as a man (albeit with feminine sensitivities) and I see a strong need for greater equality here going forward, as they say. I think peopulate would work and it is “inclusive.”

Manhandled. This is particularly offensive to men as it implies (wrongly of course) that only men do the handling and I think this is just not true – whatever the related activity may be! I suggest humandled which sounds nice and unites the words human and handled.

Manhood. Interesting. Perhaps we should just agree that there are some differences and accept womanhood as the equal and opposite.

There are two more I find unacceptable. Firstly, manicure which is essentially a female pastime... well I must confess to trying it once… twice actually. But this really should be womanicure. Then there is womanize which is highly offensive to me, as well as being wholly unjustified. We cannot use humanize as this word already has its own meaning! Perhaps we can just scratch womanize and use an entirely new word: oppositesexise.

Well that just about wraps it up for this month. Now, I must run and fix myself a strong Manhattan because Manchester United is playing on Fox. Womanhattan? Forget it! Womanchester United? You must be joking!

I have now completed my mandate and, considering myself fully emancipated,

I remain manfully yours,

Santiago Eneldo
(As confused as ever in search of humanquality: [email protected])

Editor’s Note: Man is, in fact, the Latin root of the word “hand” so please forgive Mr. Eneldo, he is really a very (manly) handy writer.