Yes, the great Bard wrote many a phrase or soliloquy which are still quoted by the great writers and speakers of today  – myself included, of course!

Such a short phrase (actually a soliloquy…) and yet so powerful; but at the same time meaningless!

I love the power in simplicity; 10 words that should make us think or reflect deeply. To be…..WHAT? Simply “To be” and is it “To be better or wiser or kinder or more honest or less greedy or to recycle or a better neighbor ….”; and the list could go on ad infinitum.

Hamlet is a very troubled man as he makes this wonderful “confessional”:

“To be, or not to be: that is the question:

Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune,

Or to take up arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them?......”

This brings me to my main point: what to do about delinquency? To be or not to be a part of the problem or the solution…. To take up arms against….

Where I have lived for 20 years we have failed to become “neighbors” and when we hear an alarm in the night the only concern is “is that mine?”. If the answer is NO, then back to sleep. If you think it IS yours, then grab the golf club (nine iron is best) and prowl fearlessly around the house hoping and praying it was just a cat that got fried on your electric fencing…

Delinquency is nothing new and, indeed, I can say with a wry smile that I was once a delinquent and spent a night in a French prison cell for stealing a wheelbarrow when at university, my friend was too drunk to walk home and so I needed transport…

But, how to defend the home; the family castle (“a man’s home is his castle” – or refuge) from intruders?

Well, in my “barrio” we are finally getting organized and the side effect of this is that we are becoming real neighbors and actually beginning to know each other! We now have a community WhatsApp, close neighbors WhatsApp, a collective mailing and are planning all kinds of initiatives (both defensive and offensive) which will make even the most hardened criminal think twice before trying to break into one of our homes.  Whistles, air horns, flashing red lights, recordings of rottweilers eating meat, and signs saying “beware of piranhas in swimming pool”; “be warned - antipersonnel mines in front garden”; “cameras are watching and recording”; “voltage in electric fence has been increased tenfold”.

Then there is the big question: do we go the American route and arm ourselves to the teeth? After all, not everyone can swing a nine iron golf club like a pro… I have studied all the options from high caliber machineguns to smaller uzis and Dirty Harry Magnums to simple mustard sprays, as well as ninja swords and throwing knives but my biggest concern is that I will only kill the family dog or worse…

Our conclusion?

As a family we have decided to sell everything valuable and live “lightly and simply”; a disposable existence you might say. Thus, when it is our turn to be invaded, or violated, we can say “help yourselves; everything we have is yours and as it is totally over-insured we will make a killing on the claim”.

I remain unflappable and decisive on good defense, but immediate capitulation in face of actual aggression. To be, to do, to act and when necessary, to run away!

Santiago Eneldo

(Dire threats and kindly suggestions to: [email protected])